Whoa Z and x make the same sound
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
