Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
