he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
