Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
