I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
