well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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