She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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