I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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