5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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