I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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