last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
