Im at strip club and am horny
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
