Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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