omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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