just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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