The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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