remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
