Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
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