i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
