umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
