my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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