I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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