So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
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Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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