feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
