so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
