I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
