she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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