i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
