Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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