Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
