making cat noises will not fix the situation.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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