I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
