I just found puke in my bra..
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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