i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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