So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
