he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
