Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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