dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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