Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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