DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
