But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
