Sponge bath it is.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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