A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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