Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize