marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
