Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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