I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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