do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
