after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
