What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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