Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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