Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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