why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
