garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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