I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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