It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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