Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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