A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
