we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
