Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
