How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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