Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was like eating out sand paper
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
