As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize