She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
