My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
BRING THE BAGELS
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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