I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
