1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
