At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
