how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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