Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so let's talk penis.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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