we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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