You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
