I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
